Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
