We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
