nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
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Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize