i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
