Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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