Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
and she was petting her beer can
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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