I cannot find my penis.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
