it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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