I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
