Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
