everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
