Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
