Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
