oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
