my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
