all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
