I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
