Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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