just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
