Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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