After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
