Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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