I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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