i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
