you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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