Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
