the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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