it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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