worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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