dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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