its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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