I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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