hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
