dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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