Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i may or may not be watching the land before time
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
