apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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