I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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