The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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