I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
