Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
