if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
