Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
