They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
