Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My balls are so social today.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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