HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
