I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
