So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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