i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
