Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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