Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
