im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
