Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
