Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it's like heaven, but drunker
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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