does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
