Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
