Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
