you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
