the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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