i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
