My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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