Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
