when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
