My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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