those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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