She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
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I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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