My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
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He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster