4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
