I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
