Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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