Christians are straight up FREAKS
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
